Harvard study: The Jews control America (part 1)

Oh no! We've been busted! Yes, now you know David Duke was right all along that us devious, conniving, sinister Jews are in fact running the world. The jig is up because Harvard's Stephen Walt and John Mearsheimer exposed the ugly truth in their Cracker Jack new study, The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy.

The brilliance of this report is beyond refute, of course. You learn, for example, about how the powerful Jewish lobby uses its influence to sabotage America's national interests just to feed Israel's blood lust. Oy, I feel so naked and ashamed of myself. Please don't hate me for being a weazel; after all, it's in my genes remember! I mean, any good Harvard Dean can tell you that us Jews are all born this way.

Well, now that you know how we of the vast Jewish conspiracy take all of America's wealth and use it to persecute the helpless Palestinians, you are probably asking yourself why? Why would we do such a terrible thing to America and the arabs for no good reason? Well, we simply can't help ourselves! We want to crush, kill and destroy just because we can.

Of course, now that we've been caught red handed, you'll probably want to do what's right and give away Israel to the moslems, and then have us "Jew bastards" all thrown into the sea. Maybe you can have it done in time for Ramadan!

Anyhow, thanks to this amazing report you all now know that the mainstream media is controlled by the Jews, Hollywood is controlled by the Jews, the Evangelicals are controlled by the Jews, the President and all of his appointed staff are controlled by the Jews, and, of course, the congress is controlled by the Jews. Pretty impressive accomplishment for roughly 4% of the population, wouldn't you say?

With that, let's take look at some of my favorite lines from the Harvard University report.

The U.S. national interest should be the primary object of American foreign policy. For the past several decades, however, and especially since the Six Day War in 1967, the centerpiece of U.S. Middle East policy has been its relationship with Israel. The combination of unwavering U.S. support for Israel and the related effort to spread democracy throughout the region has inflamed Arab and Islamic opinion and jeopardized U.S. security.

Brilliant! Supporting Israel has inflamed the Arabs and jeopardized America's security. The way to peace, of course, is to give our support to the jihadis instead of the Jews. How did all you dumb goyim miss this obvious fact for so long?

Instead, the overall thrust of U.S. policy in the region is due almost entirely to U.S. domestic politics, and especially to the activities of the "Israel Lobby." Other special interest groups have managed to skew U.S. foreign policy in directions they favored, but no lobby has managed to divert U.S. foreign policy as far from what the American national interest would otherwise suggest, while simultaneously convincing Americans that U.S. and Israeli interests are essentially identical.

Us dirty little Jews. Of course we have been controlling you, manipulating your wants, needs and desires at all times without you ever suspecting a thing! Be careful, everything you thought you liked and wanted might be just an evil, subliminal trick we greedy Jews played on you. Alas, now that we're revealed the mind control will be much, much tougher.

Israel also gets other special deals from Washington. Other aid recipients get their money in quarterly installments, but Israel receives its entire appropriation at the beginning of each fiscal year and thus earns extra interest.

Aren't we crafty? We get to steal your money with EXTRA interest! My, being part of the vast Jewish conspiracy has had it's perks... sigh...I guess the days of Manischevitz and herring are finally coming to an end. Those damn pesky Harvard sleuths!

In addition, Washington provides Israel with consistent diplomatic support. Since 1982, the United States has vetoed 32 United Nations Security Council resolutions that were critical of Israel, a number greater than the combined total of vetoes cast by all the other Security Council members. It also blocks Arab states’ efforts to put Israel’s nuclear arsenal on the International Atomic Energy Agency’s agenda.

Yup. We Jews have made Washington tap dance, all right. Vote against the kindly Arabs so we can keep taking your blood money! Ha! Look at how those sorry Arabs get picked on in the UN by Israel and our puppet, er, ally, the United States. "Keep the towel heads poor and stupid" we always say at our weekly cabal meetings.

The United States also comes to Israel’s rescue in wartime and takes its side when negotiating peace. The Nixon Administration re-supplied Israel during the October War and protected Israel from the threat of Soviet intervention. Washington wasdeeply involved . . . just as it played a key role in the negotiations that preceded and followed the 1993 Oslo Accords. There were occasional frictions between U.S. and Israeli officials in both cases, but the United States coordinated its positions closely with Israel and consistently backed the Israeli approach to the negotiations. Indeed, one American participant at Camp David (2000) later said, "far too often, we functioned . . . as Israel’s lawyer."

See? We've had everybody working for us and against the snuggly moslems. What a beautiful thing the way we conned the arabs before killing them to use their blood for our Passover matzos.

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End of part one. Stay tuned tomorrow for part two of "Harvard study: The Jews control America"